Tailspin

Breakups can make you feel completely out. of. control.

 

Your regular day feels so heavy.

Each moment feels like wave after wave of grief.

Or just when you think you’re making progress, somehow the heartache just keeps coming back

And everything seems to pull you back to the memory of your ex.

Your heart feels like it’s constantly being cut apart.

 

Daily tasks feel overwhelming.

Getting through the day feels impossible.

You feel like you’re in a constant state of just trying to hold. it. together.

 

You feel like your life is in a tailspin.

 

The good news is, there are still things in your control, and if you can manage to get control of any of these things you are one step closer to stabilizing while you heal.

    But first, you gotta come to grips with a couple truths…

    These are the essential perspectives that will really help you get through this. Some of them you might not be able to wrap your head around right away, but do your best to convince yourself they’re true at least once every day.

     

    1. You WILL find love again and it WILL be better.
    2. There is no such thing as a perfect recovery, but as long as you keep standing back up you’re on top of it, sis.
    3.  This breakup is a learning experience. IF you take the time to learn from this, you will NEVER have to experience this pain again.

    The four essentials to getting control of your life during a breakup.

       

      Environment

      What is bogging you down? What are some common stresses that show up at home, work, or financially?

      Here’s the bottom line, you’ve got a TON of emotional processing on your plate. Dealing with that on top of even minor stresses is going to feel overwhelming, and feeling overwhelmed is going to keep you stuck in the pit of breakup doom waaay longer than you need to be.

      Plus, taking control of an area or two in your life is a way of taking your power back. Think about it, a relationship is about giving yourself to someone else. You put aside pieces of yourself, pieces of your friendships, activities, etc. You make room for love and now that the relationship is over the task is to fill those spaces back up with what was there in the first place.

      So here’s what you gotta do: 

      • Clean Your House
      • Simplify Your Life 
      • Figure Out Your Finances

       

      Clean Your House

      Listen up, girl. The state of your living space is a reflection of your state of mind. Read that again. Your state of living space reflects your state of mind. And I’m willing to bet your house is a bit of a mess right now.

      Here’s the thing girl, you can’t control your ex.  You can’t make him take you back, you can’t convince him of your worth. That’s kind of the deal with love, it requires both people to give themselves to the other. Both people have to be in. And when person bails, the person left is usually left with the biggest mess.

      So, the first thing you’re gonna do is get your house cleaned up. You’re going to do this as a symbolic way of cleaning up your life and you will be able to see the very tangible outcome of that process. More than that, you’ll be able to come home to a place that feels like peace and in doing so you’re going to take the first step into tricking your mind that everything’s ok.

      Finally, you’re doing this as an act of power. You are reclaiming your life. Your ex might have your heart right now, but he can’t have anything else.  

       

      Simplify Your Life 

      Ok, this one is a little vague because it covers a lot of ground. Ask yourself, what is happening in your life that’s adding stress? 

      There are two parts to this:

      • What are things that you have to do that you just haven’t been able to get to?
      • And what relationships are adding stress in your life?

      TO DO LIST

      If you have any little check boxes on your task list, now is the time to get those checked off.

      Whatever is taking up any space in the back of your mind that is keeping you feeling overwhelmed, you’re going to find a way to do those things.

      For me this was things like:

      • Changing my air filters
      • Getting my oil changed
      • Sending a birthday card

      It’s little responsibilities that don’t feel like a huge deal, until you look at your to-do list and feel a sense of dread.

      This is the season of power for you.

      It doesn’t feel like it right now, but look me in the eyes right now and listen close:

      You are going to come back from this stronger than ever.

      You are going to walk through this with your chin held high. and you’re going to stand up so tall and fierce and beautiful that he is going to feel like an idiot for leaving you.

      That’s what we’re doing here.

      And that’s why this is going to be work, girl. 

      So, make it happen. Compile a list of all the little things you need to get done and get to work.

      OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

      This is usually a well-meaning friend or relative that tends to do more harm than good. Someone who’s words bite more than they soothe. Someone who just can’t quite give you the support that you need right now.

      Girl, your tribe is so important right now. This is a good time to get real clear on the people who nourish your heart.

      Now, lemme be clear. I’m not saying break a bunch of other emotional bonds and burn all the bridges. I’m saying, put some space between you and the people who don’t hold out a hand for you while you’re down.

      That can mean

      • not picking up the phone when talking to the person on the other line feels heavy.
      • not making plans with someone who is mostly nice, but will reliably make a jab at your situation.

      And it definitely means asking for what you need. 

      And if anyone can’t make any effort to help you, that’s a pretty clear indication of someone that you’ll want to take a little space from while you heal. The thing you gotta realize that you are the first line of defense to your heart. It’s your job to make sure that your are only allowing the most beautiful spirits in.  

       

      Figure Out Your Finances

      So the worst part of a breakup is being out of control of your ex’s decision to leave. It feels so awful to feel like you’re at the mercy of someone else’s decision. Our reflex is to try and change their mind, but what happens is they get farther and farther away. It’s 

       

       

      Body

      • Get it moving

      Heart/SpirIt

      • Quick wins for your heart

      Thoughts

      • Control those suckers
      • If you are overwhelmed with thoughts of your ex don’t stress over that, it’s just information. It’s telling you your starting point. If tomorrow you think of your ex less then you’re WINNING. THAT’S what matters.

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      resources

       

      Notes:

       

      The four essentials to getting control of your life during a breakup. 

       

      Environment

      • Keep it clean

      Body

      • Get it moving

      Heart/Spirt

      • Quick wins for your heart

      Thoughts

      • Control those suckers
      • If you are overwhelmed with thoughts of your ex don’t stress over that, it’s just information. It’s telling you your starting point. If tomorrow you think of your ex less then you’re WINNING. THAT’S what matters.